Buffy Happy!
by Reallybored2
Summary: Buffy's road trip with Baby Slayers in tow.
1. Chapter 1

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Disclaimer: Seriously, I don't own anything here. Joss Whedon and his group own every materials and characters related to _Buffy The Vampire Slayer_. _Star Gate_ is the creation and invention of Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin; the _Star Gate_ T. V. series came from Brad Wright and Jonathan Glassner. All _Star Gate_ related materials and characters belong to that bunch, not me!

Okay, I'll tell you that some portions of this story will be gory and icky. It can't be helped. Sorry.

That said, I hope that you enjoy Buffy and Co.'s adventure in this story.

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Buffy's road trip with Baby Slayers in tow.

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Happy Buffy!

Dorian watched the ship's lovely profile emerge from static on the screen, before pressing lightly on the red firing button on the joystick.

A moment later, twin holes appeared on the ship's skin; in that time, between seeing and recognizing the sight, a bright explosion blossomed and ran through the ship, lighting up the windows before blowing them out-The following explosion momentarily blinded the screen. But when it cleared, charred debris was all that floated out there in the black.

A slight satisfied smile was all Dorian allowed herself. Great job! Jubilantly she congratulated herself. And then-

"Hey, Dorian! We've got to go! Come on!"

Dorian growled softly under her breath. "But Buffy!" Dorian called out. "I've got over a hundred thousand points here! And, I'm about to blow up the Mother Ship!" Dorian looked on in desperate frustration as the video screen announced the next level-The one that was sooooo hard to reach!

"Dorian! We're gassed up and ready to go! Get in the car, right now!" Yelled the Oldest Living Slayer-Not at full Slayer volume, thank god! But just loud enough to be heard by a partially deaf man, standing at a hundred yards outside the gas station.

No choice then . . .When the Queen Slayer shouts out orders . . .With cursing regrets Dorian ran outside and sprinted towards the huge, red SUV parked out alongside one of the station's four pumps. Buffy's green eyes narrowed and shot out one of her patented glares at the unrepentant baby slayer-Dorian grinned at Buffy.

Baby slayer! Sure, not one of the Chosen Ones, but she could still take a dirty look or three from a Chosen-Even if that Chosen was Buffy Summer's herself!

Dorian slid into the seat by her sister slayer and closed the car door with care, mindful of her strength. Buffy was in the front passenger seat; Willow was driving, otherwise Dorian would have seceded from Slayer Nation and run for it! Dawn was sitting on the other side, by the window, happily chattering on a pre-paid telephone: Pre-paid 'phones were difficult to trace, so Buffy insisted on them, revealing her paranoid streak.

There were eight women and girls in the car, sharing cramped space with luggage, equipment and miscellaneous stuff.

Faith, Xander, Andrew and Giles were traveling in separate cars, with separate groups of Baby Slayers.

Good thing, too . . .'Cause otherwise they would have ended up in stranger places then Cleveland, Ohio!

The blame for that could be place on a multitude of distractions and detours-Not to mention 'shortcuts' a certain Senior slayer kept insisting on: Notorious Must See Things had the habit of luring them far away from their desired destination, too.

What sort of 'things' attracted their attentions?

Oh, well . . .Dawn wanted to see the "World's Biggest Gummi Bear". Willow sensed a sacred site and had to go and pay homage. The Country's largest shopping mall caught Buffy's fancy. They spent time zigzagging across the United States-At one time, the back wheels of the SUV got the opportunity to churn up foam from Atlantic Ocean water. They might have appreciated the experience a little more, if that Water demon had not been involved in the mad, desperate dash to higher ground!

Sometimes, their adventures were fun and pleasurable. Other times, it was just more then the usual slayer work-Like the small town engaged in human sacrifice and cannibalism. The townspeople were merely psychotic cultists, instead of demonically influenced victims. So, when the FBI stepped in, the relief was real and universal in the group-A group who disappeared the moment the agents' backs were turned!

A fairy prank war could have been an enjoyable and fun situation-Until it got out of control. Dorian shuddered at the memories . . .They should _never ever_ have messed with Buffy's hair!

Hither and fro they drove . . .Every once in a while, Buffy, or sometimes Willow, would get on the 'phone and explain to Giles why "It wasn't our fault!". The Details were then supplied and after a significant howling rant on the other side of the 'phone, Giles would bid his children to take care and hang up. And the quest for Cleveland's unholy Hellmouth would continue.

Then there was Colorado Springs and Cheyenne Mountain.

A really, really 'special' place.

They were lost-as usual. Willow had made the sad mistake of allowing Buffy to drive. Yeah, Dorian remembered her previous threat to secede. But, she was sleeping at the time; the only two awake, were Buffy and Willow.

Willow apparently had fallen asleep as soon as she has switched seats with Buffy. Allowing Buffy complete, unsupervised freedom behind the wheel.

Even slayers have to sleep-All of them were exhausted by the constant travel; once asleep, they were too tired to react to every little bump, rattle, or "Oh, god! We're airborne!" feeling. But they did wake up to the "Dammit! Where are we?!" vocalized complaint from a peevish Slayer Prime. Hmmm, Dorian considered, just waking up and getting her bearings, if they backtracked Buffy's swath of destruction, could they find an undemolished, readable road sign? Dorian considered and compared past driving _incidents_ . . .Nope, not a chance, she decided sadly.

At Willow's insistence, Buffy pulled over on a ribbon of blacktop considered a road only by the barest of margins . . .And a red-eyed, tired looking Willow took over the wheel from a disgruntled and reluctant Buffy.

Dorian felt bad for Willow, just then. But, Dorian asked herself, what could she do? She was fifteen-No driver's license or permit; admittedly, in an emergency, Dorian was willing to give it a go. So, what if she had no training or experience driving a car? Dorian was certain that if she considered a car as the weapon it really was, instead of mere transportation, Dorian felt confidence she could easily master the vehicle.

Hey! Dorian had a sudden explosion of insight-Buffy operated a car as a _weapon_, not as a transport! Oh, wow, Dorian considered, staring at the back of Buffy's blond head. It all came back down to the whole Slayer 'proficient with any weapon' thing they had going. Did it mean she could potentially drive and operate a tank? -How about a fighter plane? Not that she was going to steal a fighter plane, Dorian hastily amended-But that would be so cool!

Lost in her own thoughts and looking out the window, Dorian privately appreciated the sightseeing opportunity being lost gave her. Colorado was pretty Dorian admitted: Miles and miles of road, and no clear or familiar landmarks-Abruptly, Dorian yawned behind her hand; her behind had fallen asleep again. A common, frequent event on a long road trip-Dorian wriggled and shifted uncomfortable around on her seat. Hoping Willow would stop, and allow them to leave the car and stretch their legs, Dorian was about to ask-when Willow slowed the car down until she was alongside a jogging man.

He looked military, short cut hair dripping in sweat; gray T-shirt darkened by sweat, he wore dark shorts with a fanny pack secured around his waist and carried a partially full water bottle.

"Excuse me, sir!" Willow called out. "Can you tell me how to get to-?" Dorian yawned-It was one of those big jaw cracking, ear popping events . . .copycats soon followed. Willow eventually freed herself from military guy, information in mind, to give them all a dirty look reflected back at them from the rearview mirror. Hey . . .she should comfort herself that all they did was yawn, Dorian grinned-That wind-breaking incident, back in Texas, originated from too much chili and beans! Honest!

At least we know where we are now! Dorian peered out the window. They were in Colorado Springs and with any luck, drive in general sight of Cheyenne Mountain, home of NORAD, and some top secret project the Airforce was calling deep space telemetry-Willow snickered madly upon stumbling on the project. Could you say: Really stupid cover story?

The group was finally on the right road-Then 'Boom!', the slayers spidey senses howled in high gear! Hidden weapons were suddenly in tiny, delicate hands; each slayer with her personal bag of goodies, belted around her waist. Willow bespelled the fanny packs so the tiny things could hold a butt load of stuff, the small openings stretching out to accept large and impossible items: axes and swords, and a few warhammers, came out of the bags. Dorian favored the axe over the sword-And not because Xander was partial to it, regardless of Dawn's teasing!

Willow drove slowly . . .The slayers looked and glared out the windows, trying to spot the trouble clawing on their nerves. Dawn saw it first, and started squealing-"Look up! Look up!"

The slayers followed her jabbing finger at the unbelievable sight of a gigantic pyramid shaped UFO settling on Cheyenne Mountain-Like a freaky hat or something! Dorian considered.

"Oh. My. Goddess!" Willow gasped.

"Crap," Buffy said softly. Expressing all the slayers mutual sentiments. Narrowed green eyes calculated and assessed just how completely screwed they were. But since when has bigger and weirder ever stopped a Slayer from knocking it on it's rear and chopping it up?

"Maybe they're friendly?" Suggested Dawn. Six pairs of Slayer eyes and one red-eyed Wicca plowed into The Key, causing Dawn to flush and look away-Now, how silly was that question?

"Can we handle ray-guns?" Dorian asked. Her unfinished game came to mind-Were those ETs like the Roswell guys? Did they have cookbooks on how to cook humans? Like several demonic species did? Or were they gonna blast them all out of existence, and take over the planet?

"Maybe," Buffy murmured. "Willow . . .Can your amulets handle other unusual forms of energy?"

The amulets Buffy was talking about were a Willow special. Early in the Endless Road Trip, somewhere between Nevada and Arizona, a roadside souvenir stand owner was slowly being turned into a cactus: A hundred years before, one of his ancestors did something to a vindictive clan of demons. Sparking a lengthy vendetta-The combined efforts of Willow's magic, and the Slayers violent form of persuasion, convinced the clan to drop their vendetta and restore the guy to his human form.

The grateful, ancient hippie was willing to give away the happy face amulets, made out of recycled soda cans. But, no, Willow needed to buy them; one of the quirky requirements of the spell. Between them, they came up with a discount that satisfied both parties.

Later in the evening, while camping out in the desert, Willow bespelled the amulets to provide the wearer with protection against magical energies and assaults.

"Um . . .ah, I can modify them-If I had enough Power," said a distracted Willow, her eyes never leaving the pyramid shape atop the mountain.

"You can have some of mine," Dawn quickly chimed in.

Buffy nodded grimly, and reached for the bag holding a number of magical objects, down on the floor, between Willow and herself. "Good. Lets get started."

The group watched as Willow held a box of amulets, chanting quietly over them, while holding Dawn's hand. The contents of the box began glowing green, and only faded away when the chanting stopped.

Willow let go of Dawn's hand and passed around the box-They each took one of the amulets and slipped the stainless steel linked chain around their necks, making certain the amulets came into contact with their skin.

They flowed out of the car, stood in a circle while Willow made the final preparations: She chanted and tossed glittering powder over each head present-Including a pinch for herself. Upon contact, inside each head, a 'You are here.' type of map came on. Red dots swarmed in their sights for a moment, before fading to a haze. The red dots marked anything worth smashing or cutting up into tiny unusable pieces. The Red Witch pulled out the transportation talisman-A plastic, little gray dog. A thing so expensive, that they were used only in extreme emergencies-Alien invasions counted as extreme emergencies.

When Willow's chanting faded away, they were all in a gaudy, gold covered corridor; ancient Egyptian trailer trash decor. A thundering of metal clad feet and aliens in gold colored scaled armor, with staff length energy weapons, and freaky morphing helmets, charged at them from opposite ends of the corridor. Without a verbal command, the slayers, the witch (and one Key) leaped towards their enemies.

For the next twenty minutes or so, heads and limbs were severed; intestines and the wriggling worm things living in the guts of the semi-men spilled out on the metal floors. Hot, near scalding blood spurted out of grotesque wounds and drench and splattered walls, floors and slayers. Screams and howls of pain-The aliens cursed and yelled out battle cries, "Jaffa! Cree!" The slayers moving and killing among the golden mass, eerily and frighteningly silent. Energy blasts horrifyingly ineffectual against them.

Dorian stood in front of a panel, on a wall. Her sister slayer covering for her, as Dorian's nails dug into the edges of the panel, and managed to scratch enough of the sheet of metal back to get the rest of her fingers into the gape. She pulled with slayer strength and sent the discarded panel flying behind her and into the gut of one alien, severing his spine after cutting through his worm and organs.

Red, red, all the stuff inside was red-Deep red. Dorian gleefully prepared to smash it all, when she suddenly felt the air pressure change and her body feel lighter. Uh-oh, Dorian had a suspicion about what just happen. No, she shook her head slightly. Not of that mattered, Dorian told herself firmly. What did matter was stopping the sonovabitches! Her fist slammed into the delicate circuitry and stuff inside the wall, causing flaring sparks and smoke-The ship lurched violently and gravity cut off for a few moments.

Slayer reflexes saved them and kept them on their feet and fighting. The aliens were not capable of mirroring the slayers feat. They lost their balance and were thrown about-losing weapons, breaking bones and falling on slayers' weapons.

Dorian felt the call, a tingling at the back of her mind. She griped her axe tightly in her hand and ran down a corridor, jumping over and dodging bodies and pools of blood. Her sister slayers joined her inmass, and streamed into the bridge-Buffy and Willow stood in front of a man with glowing eyes.

"I am your God! Bow before me!" He shouted, spittle flying from his mouth.

Buffy snarled and leaped into the air, bring the Scythe down at the point where his neck met his shoulder, and continued down and across, severing his arm. For a moment, he was a whole man-Then, with a wet squelching sound, the two severed pieces slide apart, landing on the metal floor with a meaty thump.

Buffy glared down at her dead twitching opponent, Scythe in a ready position, blood dripping off the edge. It was not over yet-The man's eyes rolled wildly in his head, his facial muscles spasmed. Abruptly, his mouth shot opened and a snake thing exploded out of it, aiming itself at Buffy!

It smacked into her palm; pink manicured fingers closed over the thing-With a loud crack and a squeal the thing dangled, dead and limp, in Buffy's hand. She dropped it and smeared it on the floor, with her high-heeled boot.

The rest of the slayers fanned out into the bridge, pushing and kicking aside bodies and limbs to get to the consoles. Dorian centered herself at one console; a quick glance revealed it to be the weapons controls. A slow smile took a hold of her face-Just maybe . . .maybe . . .she was going to get her Mother Ship after all.

"How many ships out here with us, and on the surface?" Buffy asked, sitting in the throne seat and examining the controls on its armrest.

"Two other ships up here with us-None on the surface."

"What kind are they?"

"The large one is identical to this one . . .the smaller one appears to be a type of bomber."

Buffy nodded and ordered-"Get within weapons range-Target the bomber with missiles and fire on the other one with energy weapons on my command."

"We are in weapons range now!" Dorian sang out.

"Fire!"

A salvo of missiles hit the surprised bomber and penetrated its shields and skin. Causing an eruption of fire and long tongues of flame to stab out into open space; secondary explosions from its munitions flamed under the ship's expanding metal skin-Molten metals and shrapnel blossomed out and shot out in cooling chunks and slivers into frozen space.

The slayers focused on the other Mother Ship-Energy beams splattered and penetrated the large ship. Caught by surprise, the ship burned, but it collected itself and returned fire almost immediately. The slayers braced themselves as their ship rocked and viciously shook from the weapons hit. Willow and Dawn, holding hands, chanted and gestured-The ship steadied, and Buffy said calmly, "Thank you, Willow. Thank you, Dawn. Now, let's blow that bastard to hell. Dorian . . .Please sent them our warm welcome-Missiles and energy weapons. Fire on your discretion! Helm, take us to ramming speed-Willow, it's time for your little doggy to do its trick."

"Accelerating!" Helm called out.

"Good. Follow weapons in. As soon as you see an opening in their shields, shove this bastard in! Willow . . .Oh, good chanting."

"Their shields are fluctuating-We got a thin spot!" Dorian yelled.

"Concentrate everything in this rust bucket on it!" Buffy ordered never taking her eyes off the bridge screen and burning ship on it. A flare of dissipating energy and dramatic explosions beyond it, as the suddenly unhindered missiles and energy beams punched into their target! "Yes!" Buffy shouted out in victory, jumping out of the chair. The ship on the screen flaring in uncontrollable explosions and fire: An overwhelmed white screen was the last thing Buffy saw on the alien bridge. Sudden, everyone was back under open blue sky, but standing in the grassy ditch beside the road. Their car parked several hundred yards away from them.

They looked at each other, noting how drenched in blood and soot they all were-Nothing new or unusual in that. Then they turned towards the mountain . . .Relieved it was free of its extraterrestrial 'hat'. They stood there a small while admiring the view.

The whine of a helicopter and the shadow of the quick flying machine jerked everyone back to their present reality.

"I think we better get out of here," whispered Willow, her eyes rolling to the top of her head. Buffy caught her and ordered, "Everyone to the car, now!" She carried Willow to the car in a burst of slayer speed. Another slayer hauled a protesting Dawn over her shoulders and sprinted after them.

Buffy was driving, but for once, no one protested.

Later, in the evening, Dorian awoke with a start-A moment later, realizing she was in the car. _And Buffy was driving!_

Dorian looked over to the driver's seat, and there was Buffy, bouncing against the seat restraints-Dorian stopped herself from whatever she was going to say when she saw the little smile on the older slayer's face. Then she caught what Buffy was happily chanting, too softly for normal ears to pick up-"HappyBuffy!HappyBuffy!HappyBuffy!HappyBuffy!"

A small smile crept up on Dorian's face and stayed there, even as she wriggled back into her chair. If Buffy could revel in a small pleasure like driving, why take it away from her? Beside, she had something to be happy about too-Dorian closed her eyes, ignored the squealing tires, the smell of burning rubber, the sudden and abrupt shifts, and remembered the one important thing-She finally got her Mother Ship.

"HappyBuffy!HappyBuffy!HappyBuffy!HappyBuffy!HappyBuffy!HappyBuffy!"

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For those interested . . .Hagenow, Germany, has since 1999, been the home of 'Hagi-Boi' the 1,395 pounds, 5. 5 foot tall Gummi Bear.

Haribo Co. makes the majority of traditional Gummi Bears.

King Of Prussia mall, in Pennsylvania, has the most square footage, but only 400 stores.

Mall Of America, in Minnesota, has 522 stores.

Coming in third in California, is South Coast Plaza, with 280 stores.

Thanks for reading my funny little story! Good-bye!


	2. Feathers And Itch!

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Disclaimer: Yeah . . .yeah. I'll say it again-**I don't own anything here!** All _Buffy The Vampire Slayer_ related materials and characters belong to Joss Whedon and his group. _Critters_ was written by Domonic Muir, Stephen Herek and Don Keith Opper. Directed by Stephen Herek. Eric Flint wrote and owns _1632_. _The Fugitive (1993)_ was directed by Andrew Davies, written by Roy Huggins, David Twohy and Jeb Stuart.

Here we go again! Welcome to the second chapter of Buffy's little road trip! This is when you get to meet another Baby Slayer, and her perspective on the road trip. Thanks for reading it!

Oh, slayers can see well enough in the dark. Having them running around at night, without so much as a flashlight, is okay for them.

On with the story!

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Buffy's road trip with Baby Slayers in tow.

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Feathers And Itch!

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Baby slayer whimpered.

"Quit squirming! Buffy ordered, exasperated. Slayer Prime sat in the second row seat normally occupied by her sister, Dawn. Buffy had her back to the window; one hand firmly clasped a pair of pliers and the other was wrapped in one of the alien hand devices, Dawn had lifted off the alien ship. It had healing properties and Buffy was using it on a Baby Slayer to speed up her recovery: Trinity lower legs had been peppered by long, barbed quills-under normal circumstances, the sign of an encounter with a porcupine. Except, Trinity was a slayer; and those were not porcupine quills.

Emily sat in the center back seat, occasionally scratching her poison ivy and sneering at her sister slayer's dramatics. For variety, Emily directed a few resentful glares towards Dorian. It was her fault she had poison ivy! Emily seethed. To make Emily's discomfort even worse, Dorian was oblivious to her itchy condition; Dorian was as usual sightseeing out her window, from time to time, wriggled about her seat. Her butt must be falling asleep again, Emily thought in vindictive satisfaction: Good!

"Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap!" A little dog barked behind her.

"Aw . . .you must have thought we've forgotten about you! Didn't you, Chew-Chew, sweetie?" Emily turned around and scratched a feathery black head, paying special attention to the base of his comb-Chew-Chew really liked that; as he demonstrated with half closed eyes and pleased huffs of breath.

"Of course, we forgot about him! He's an annoying rat!" Dorian abruptly yelled out from her seat. Emily twisted around and grabbed Dorian's nose in a tight pinch! Dorian shrieked and grabbed Emily's ear and pulled! Emily screamed in fury, and shot out a free hand towards the other girl's hair-And got slammed back hard against her seat for her troubles!

"Knock it off, you two!" Roared an infuriated Buffy. One hand was raised up at Emily, and the other was raised towards Dorian. Slayer Prime's glare caused both girls to cringe against their seats. Trinity, who had previously occupied the center seat, was wedged in Buffy's former seat, pliers and hand device in her lap; she stared in wide-eyed, silent interest-Now . . .that was entertaining! Too bad Buffy was not going to allow a full fledge fight to get going. Otherwise, they could have stopped at the side of the road, kicked both of the girls out and watched them tear merry hell out of each other!

"One more fight . . .Just one more," Buffy hissed. "And both of you will be cleaning up the ship's bathroom by yourselves! Do you understand me?!"

Both Baby Slayers gasped and nodded in agreement: two pairs of eyes wide in terror and disgust.

"Now . . .each apology to the other," Buffy ordered. "After that, I better not hear another word against each other-Remember the bathroom!" She warned, sternly.

They both nodded in sullen agreement and looked hard at the other while spitting out mutually identical, "Sorry."-Their unspoken _Later_, was a given.

Buffy gave them both one last glare before returning to removing the quills from Trinity's legs.

Emily thumped back into her seat, grimacing at the unfairness of it all! That and the damn itching had returned! She caught a quick glimpse of Dawn's smirk in the rear view mirror-The younger Summers was driving the car and what really caused Emily to flare with envy was the other, older girl's magical faux driver's license. Dawn was old enough to have a driver's license, but with one Apocalyptic event or another, and her hometown reduced to a gigantic hole in the ground, Dawn had to postpone getting one.

Not that lack of an official license stopped Dawn-She managed to magic one up out of an old hotel room passkey. Just a plastic card, with a magnetic strip in the back, but when Dawn flashed it, it looked like a regular Californian driver's license complete with her picture and stats.

To fourteen year old Emily, that was an impressive feat of magic!

Buffy Summers had examined it minutely, looking for a flaw, and hissed when she was unable to find one-Buffy burned a number of minutes lecturing Dawn about all the ways she could _not_ abuse a fake ID. Emily and the younger slayers took note of every single one of them.

A sad little whimper behind Emily caused her to remember the cause of the latest disagreement with her sister slayer. She twisted and shifted about, getting dirty looks from the slayers bracketing her, until Emily had Chew-Chew's black, feathered little body on her lap. He produced satisfied huffs and pressed his cheek and head into her hand.

"What'z a matter, baby?" Emily cooed, to the large, black rooster on her lap. Chew-Chew wriggled in pleasure and barked. Emily smiled down at the animal in her lap, genuinely glad and relieved to have a distraction for her hands-Her turn under the healing device was coming, right after Buffy got through with Trinity. Hopefully, by the time the poison ivy cleared out, Willow would be up and ready to magically restore Chew-Chew back to his doggie form.

The poor dog, a twenty pound mongrel, usually cute as a button, had been used as a living shield by a cheating husband, to block his righteously enraged wife's curse. What made the whole battle tragic was that it took place in the midst of their daughter's wedding!

Oh, yeah . . .Emily reminisced-Absently stroking Chew-Chew's feathered back. A beautiful ceremony, the slayers had been invited to, done out in a gorgeous, fully blooming garden, under clear and sun lit skies; just as the couple were professing their love, a sobbing mistress confronted her lover-The bride's father!

Emily admitted it was entertaining . . .The woman sobbing a wrenching accusation-"You _never_ were going to leave her, were you? You promised you were getting a divorce! You promised you were leaving her! But you lied, didn't you!" Well, duh! The young slayer was having trouble believing any adult woman was going fall for an obvious line like that! But, standing in middle of some _other _woman's wedding, was that sucker B. T. Barnum claimed was born every minute or so.

And yet, in spite of that interruption, the wedding might have had a chance to go on-Except the drama was just getting started . . .

Right after the tearful mistress, came the howling lover. The sudden abrupt appearance by the cursing girlfriend was slightly surprising, but not overwhelming. What really busted up the whole works was Erica-A tall and sincerely lovely blond transvestite. Then Paul stepped up with his own woeful tale. Ah, yeah, that did it . . .Erica threw the first punch at Paul. Paul enthusiastically retaliated with fists and feet. Guests either bolted for safety or engaged in their own violent form of stress relief.

Oh, and since a number of the guests were either mages or witches, spells flew with the same frequency as the furniture, smaller adult bodies, and shoes. Buffy admitted it reminded her of Xander's and Anya's cancelled wedding, while she idly critiqued the combatants fighting forms.

The slut, who had started the mess, decided retreat was the best option he had-Just as his incandescent wife threw a spell at him, he swiftly picked up the wildly barking Chew-Chew, and hurdled the poor dog at it! Poor Chew-Chew yelped once and landed on yellow, scaly, talon tipped feet!

Emily screamed and cursed and managed to scoop up her doggie in rooster form, before he could be stomped to a paste, by the fighters. The woman, who had done the terrible deed, had disappeared in vengeful pursuit of her cheating husband.

Willow promised to change Chew-Chew back, once she had to opportunity to study the spell and come up with a counterspell. That placated Emily enough to allow the others to drag her away from the garden and into the main hall. A closet door popped open and a disheveled woman walked out followed by an equally disheveled man. They were both flushed and panting-The woman winked in their direction before walking away with her companion. Buffy just sighed and grumbled under her breath something unintelligible.

Buffy marched everyone to the sound of inconsolable sobbing. The hapless bridegroom hovered about his seated and crying bride. Buffy grabbed the unprepared bride and hauled her over her narrow shoulders in a fireman carry; Buffy ordered one of her Baby Slayers to bring the groom. The surprised man squawked as he received the same treatment as his bride. "Willow! Pick up their paperwork-We're gonna need it!" She ordered Willow.

Less then twenty minutes later, the Buffynapped couple took their vows of marriage in front of a nice elderly minister, while standing in his living room, with six slayers, a witch, and a mystical Key as witnesses.

Emily stroked Chew-Chew's feathered back, and ignored another yelp from the seat in front of her. She considered what happened next: They drove for a number of miles without incident; up until Buffy, map in hand, convinced Willow to take a shortcut.

No one should take directions from Buffy-They all found out the hard way that Slayer Prime could find any assortment of weird, just by blindly pointing to a spot on the map! Willow was tired, that is why she allowed Buffy to navigate. And, that is what everyone agreed was going to be the excuse-Willow was tired.

Hours later, after miles and tiresome miles of empty blacktop road and fields, they finally drove into a small town. Not much of a population, but it still had a relatively decent little hotel, a nice restaurant, and a working gas station. And before they even rolled into it they knew something was wrong.

Like most small towns, the town the slayers drove into seemed to have a voluntary curfew. Everyone closing up and retreating to their beds early. Allowing a blanket of quiet to be drawn over the town-Except, there was quiet, and then, there was quiet.

After visiting so many small towns and villages across the country, the slayers had come to know that there was no such thing as a _quiet_ town-At least, not to a slayer. Even in the tiniest community, after its Human inhabitants had gone to bed, there was always activity, movement, and noise. Toilets flushing; people snoring or farting, babies crying; creaking, singing bedsprings. And those were just the Humans! The animals were, if anything, even less quiet! Emily thought that was kind of odd, given that silence was good if you wanted to stay uneaten by something hunting in the dark.

Ah, she had a sudden insight, but you missed out on the lovin' then! When she was just a kid and less sophisticated, Emily would have thought that was crazy; but now that she was fourteen, she could see how that could be totally worth it!

The slayers glided out of the car-Chew-Chew secured in his charmed and protected carrier-, their weapons in their hands; senses stretched outwards in every direction. Ready for whatever trouble infested the town.

It took two minutes, two lousy minutes, for the cause of the trouble to roll into sight and attack! A rolling ball of fur launched itself out of the shadows straight at Buffy! A normal human would have been taken by surprise, but Buffy hit it twice with her new zappie-The S shaped weapon she got from the aliens almost a week back. Walking cautiously up to where it had fallen, they got a good look at what they were fighting. It was the size of a small dog, with a big wide mouth full of teeth and large clawed paws with three digits on them.

Buffy cocked her head. "It looks almost cute," she commented, examining the thing critically.

"Yeah," Willow agreed. "If you can ignore the rows of sharp, pointy teeth and the sharp claws-Yeah, it could almost be cute."

"Yaaaaahhhhh!" They spun back around to the car, and saw one of the things glowing blue and doing a jerking jig dance! It ended with it flying backwards a few feet and bouncing a couple of times against the blacktop, a black, smoking crisp. Two other similar forms smoked nearby.

"I guess they were trying to get at the car," Buffy said impassively. Willow had layered the car with serious protection spells. She sighed. "Willow . . .?"

"On it!" Willow chanted and threw a pinch of powder over everyone's head, her own included-And the slayers suddenly knew where every one of the nasty little critters had taking to hiding.

"Listening up, ladies!" Buffy ordered. "We are gonna go through this town, through every house and room and basement; every shed and doghouse. We'll look in the sewers, cesspools, pipes and drains. We'll check the rooftops and treetops. Overturn rocks and uproot trees if we have to! We'll tear merry hell out of this town, until we've found and killed each and every one of these things-Got it? Now, go!"

Six slayers, a witch and a Key jumped at that order, and ran to fulfill that order with gleeful zeal and enthusiasm! Down the streets and into the buildings they ran, and not long after, the intense, rapid fire of the zappies could be heard coming from every direction.

"Uh, Buffy?"

"What, Dawn? I'm kinda busy here!"

"I found a nest of green eggs!"

"Oh, crap!" Splat!

All through the town, and farms, and finally into the forest, they hunted their furry opponents, killing them and destroying their eggs. They found survivors and helped as best as they could. They also found unwanted evidence of the furballs carnivorous nature. They fought and searched for hours, finally driving the surviving creatures into a small wooded valley, where they saw a bolt of energy coming at them! If they had been any other beings but slayers-As it was, the girls' quick dive for cover was not enough to keep them from getting singed.

Rule number one: Never mess with Buffy's hair!

Buffy lifted a hand to her smoking hair . . .Her stunned expression changing to snarling fury! Willow already had the little transportation talisman in her hand and chanting.

The creatures, laughing it up inside the spaceship, never had a chance in the face of one pissed off Slayer Prime with smoking, singed hair!

Baby Slayers, little sister, and best friend hastily got themselves out of the way, and watched with open wonder as the Great Chosen One danced. A pity her temporary dance partners had no appreciation for the honor she was bestowing on them. Not that it would have matter . . .they still would have died. But at least, they would have taken a nice glowy feeling down to Hell with them.

"Cool!" Dawn's single word, brought Buffy to a halt, Scythe still spinning. There were no more of those creatures left alive-She could sense it. It was over. Or maybe not, Buffy considered, calculating. A vague idea forming at the back of her brain.

Buffy glanced around herself and took out her zappie and fired three times at the closest alien furry meat piece, disintegrating it. She quickly did the same to its bloody neighbor. The others, taking the hint, joined her in cleaning up the remains. They carefully went through the ship, zapping away the alien remains, discovering in the process, the sad scraps of earlier victims. The original owners of the ship, they surmised, since the remains were clearly inhuman.

The unholy mess in the two bathrooms had them all going "Eww!" and quickly sliding close the doors. Those bathrooms had messes in them that were even worse, then in the worse gas station restroom! And they had used enough of those to be almost experts on the matter!

"We better get going, before anyone official gets here," Willow said offhand.

Buffy nodded in agreement. "Yeah . . .But we're taking the ship with us."

"What?!" Dawn exclaimed.

"Wha-What she said," sputtered Willow. "Buffy, even if we could fly this thing, were are we gonna put it? Were are we gonna hid it?"

"Okay, first . . .We fought for this ship-We're not gonna give the government a freebee here. That's number one." Buffy counted down. "Second . . .Willow, remember the spell you used to get the bags bigger inside then outside?"

"Oh, Goddess!" Willow swore, suddenly getting what her friend was planning. "You're not thinking of shrinking this thing and shoving it into one of the bags, are you?"

"Yep,"

Willow moaned and protested. Dawn and the Baby Slayers grinned with anticipation-Their own spaceship! Yay! Buffy stood firm in face of Willow's resistance: Resistance that lasted a total of five minutes. After that, they marched outside; Willow poured her powders and liquids around the ship. She asked Dawn for some of her Power and Dawn quickly consented.

Holding Dawn's hand, Willow chanted and waved her free hand at the ship. With a dramatic flash of light, the ship disappeared. In its place, was a tiny toy spaceship; Buffy walked over to it and dropped it inside her bag.

Emily absently stroked Chew-Chew and shuddered over the remembered state of the ship's bathroom. She glanced at Buffy's profile, bent slightly down as she took care of Trinity's legs. Technically, Trinity was the only casualty of the battle: Dorian's injuries were self-inflicted. And her poison ivy was Dorian inflicted! Emily shot an angry glare towards the back of Dorian's head.

Before they left the valley, Buffy ordered a final sweep of the area, just to make sure they got everything. She split them into two groups, one doing the sweep, the other heading off to the town with Trinity, their single wounded-Trinity was walking unsupported, but her legs had sprouted a dozen or more porcupine like quills. They burned like the dickens, she admitted. But she could still function and that counted for a lot with slayers.

Emily and Dorian had taken to wandering around a farm. While Emily was outside, close to the wooded boundary of the property, Dorian was exploring the barn-And when she opened the door (oh, boy!) did she feel like she had hit paydirt! A sweet collection of gunpowder weapons presented themselves to her. From blunderbusses, to flintlocks, and little cannons and the motherlode of them all-A gaudy, brightly colored gigantic cannon! While Dorian never considered becoming a human cannonball as one of her life's ambition, she was adaptable. And there, just a few yards away, on a table by a wall, were several little kegs of black gunpowder.

Seriously, how could she have resisted? Dorian was fifteen, after all! Oh, of course, that also meant that no one had bother to explain to the teenager that no one was really _blown_ out of the cannon-The whole thing was a trick, consisting of a giant spring at the bottom of the cannon and flashpowder.

Eh, yeah . . .There was another thing that slipped pass the adventurous teenager's notice-The net!

Emily was balefully eyeing a suspicious patch of tri-foiled leafed plants at the edge of the woods, when she heard a loud 'boom!'. What was that? Emily questioned, she was about to turn around when she was suddenly hit by a burning, cannon-shot Dorian, traveling at nearly 70 miles an hour!

Both girls should have died-But they were slayers. Instead, Emily woke up at the end of a long furrow, dug into the dirt by her fast travelling body! She started brushing off crushed leaves and glanced downwards and realized they were poison ivy leaves! God dammit! What the hell! She quickly rolled over and got up on wobbly feet. Emily hissed as she felt the burning, itching sensation on her exposed skin. A soft moan stopped her in midscratch. Dorian! Emily remembered. She found her sister slayer not too far from her. Dorian was badly burned and unconscious. Emily gently picked Dorian and ran for the town!

"Help! Buffy! Willow! Dorian's hurt!"

Between the alien device and Dorian's own slayer healing the girl survived. They took her sleeping body to a nearby house at the grateful owner's invitation, where they cleaned her up and dressed her in her own clothing. By the time they were ready to leave town, Dorian had woken up and walked back to the car on her own.

Emily's own problems had to wait. There were people in town who had worse injuries and needed the healing device a lot more then she did! After all, the only thing wrong with Emily was a case of poison ivy!

Hours later, Emily was sitting in the back seat of the car, a transformed dog on her lap, itching like mad, waiting for Buffy to finish with Trinity; so she could get her own crack at the healing device!

Without warning, a bright flash of light illuminated the hills in front of them! Dawn brought the car to a screeching halt-Good thing they were the only car on the road. No need to collect another problem in the form of a car accident!

"Ah, crap!" Sighing Buffy stashed away the healing device. Emily watched helplessly, all the while a smirking Trinity removed her quill-free legs down to the floor and sat up straight in her seat.

Without a word, Emily removed Chew-Chew from her lap and restored him to his carrier. After activating the protection spell on the carrier, Emily twisted back into her seat and sent a quiet promise of vengeance towards Dorian's head.

Outside, a large sign, at the side of the road, proudly proclaimed-"Welcome to Grantville, West Virginia".

****

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Oh, poor Emily! Poor Chew-Chew! Don't worry, their problems get fix.

And, if anyone who was wondering, the people at the wedding, one and all, were stronger than the average human-Not slayer strong, but strong enough to fling some seriously heavy stuff.

Thanks again for reading this story and goodbye!


End file.
